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Order from an escort agency
Desiree - Order from an escort agency

A few weeks ago I was very excited to receive a brochure from an Escort agency, that specialises in girls dressed up in different outfits or themes. So, they had a "Red Riding Hood" a "Little Bo Beep" and some other more strange themes like, "Sexy Dalek" and "Freshly Dug-Up Corpse". Anyway, I got in touch and needless to say none of the girls I wanted were around for various reasons, except for one girl on page 6 of the brochure, who happened to be, guess what? "Common Prostitute". I tried to explain to the lady taking the bookings, "My good woman, "Common Prostitute" hardly constitutes a "Theme" it is merely a statement of fact, I can find such a lady of the night on any street corner, pray tell, what distinguishes your, "Common Prostitute" from all the others? "Well", she answered, "You wont find anyone as common as "Desiree La Douc...

 

Quiet English country towns
Amber - Quiet English country towns

It is not uncommon for the odd girl here and there to dabble in the murky world of porn, earn a little money and then return to their normal lives. One such girl was the lovely Amber, who having performed with me, returned to her village and was greeted by a baying mob holding flaming torches and chanting, "Die porno bitch, die!" Such is life in quiet English country towns, dens of hypocracy and bigotry. Anyway, I discovered that Amber had moved to a new village and was now holding down a job as a travel agent. So what better time for me to perform my, "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!" challenge on her, I suppose I could have called it my "Tora!, Tora!,Tora!", challenge, kind of sounds better, don't you think? She was certainly shocked to see me and nearly choked on her sandwich, she still had a trace of sluttishness left in her as ...

 

The pimp from hell part 2
Lara Latex - The pimp from hell part 2

Well sure enough, just as Robyn has satisfied her wanton, lesbian lust on the hapless Lara, she sends for her "Business associate" Dave. A hulking great thug, who burst into the room, threatening yours truly, until Robyn reassures him that I'm "Kosher". Anyway, what a double act of sleazebags, Robyn and Dave's banter was hilarious, especially when he complained to Robyn that she'd stuck him with a lady-boy on his last assignment. So now it's Dave's turn to put Lara through her paces with a hard shag, I must admit this was the strangest interview I'd ever attended, I mean you wouldn't see this on the "Apprentice". When it got to, as Robyn so delicately put it, "Dropping anchor in Poo Bay" Lara backed off, so Robyn showed her how, with Dave pounding into her arse hole while Lara helped. Needless to say Lara passed their audition and it's a ...

 



The pimp from hell
Lara Latex - The pimp from hell

Well me and my big ideas. As it's always difficult to get girls, I hatched a plan for Lara to join an escort agency and meet some new girls that way. Anyway, she phones up "Robyn" who says she'll come over and interview Lara for a job. Well guess who turned up, a lookalike for "Pat" from Eastenders. Within five minutes of arriving she'd made a roll-up from her packet of "Drum Tobacco", which I thought only cons smoked, hitched up her skirt and set on poor Lara in a full frenzied Lesbian attack. This was in the guise of putting lara through her paces, to be honest I found the whole idea of Lara being used, by this bird, quite horny. Anyway, we came to the end of the err, "Interview" when Robyn announces, "That's only arff of it Doll, you're gonna have to shag my business associate Dave, to see if you can take cock". You'll have to wait til...

 

The market researcher
Katie - The market researcher

Well these young women of today, they're so forward and brash. I'd just started to do my opening presentation, out in a local shopping centre, when I was approached by one of those annoying people doing "Market research". Well I so busy trying to escape that it took Lara to point out that the interviewer was in fact a "TASTY BIRD" and worth trying to entice into my "£500 web of sleaze and debauchery". So I did my usual furtive, overview, to the lovely Katie and lo and behold, she announced she was up for some lunch-time fun. She pointed out she was only getting £3.00 an hour to be insulted and abused in the street, so it seemed a bargain to be paid £500, to be insulted and abused in a luxury flat...........by me! Well thanks alot Katie!!

 

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500 pound Nut-ball challenge
Keeley - 500 pound Nut-ball challenge

In this country as soon as you get a camera out in public, they come out of the woodwork. Yobs, knife-wielding hoodies, loud mouthed van drivers, all attempting to at worst, kill you and at best ruin your sound. Another type is the curious "Nut-ball", who is just desperate to get on TV. Well Keeley, appeared in my shot and was possibly the ugliest girl I'd ever scene. She seemed a little deranged, but that didn't stop me from negotiating a price for some fun, you know me, "Anything with a pulse". Anyway, I was stunned, when she transformed in to a tiny denim-shorts clad sex crazed babe, who liked it up the arse as well!! Call me old fashioned but I just love little denim shorts and you couldn't have got smaller than Keeley's, it was lovely plunging my hand down the front anyway check it for yourself.